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08 March 2011 @ 03:19 pm
I hate my life right now  
While I don't say no to a glass or two of Baily'ys at christmas,im not an alcohol drinker at all.
When I was a teenager I used to babysit for people who would be so drunk when they got home that they could be being robbed by strangers and they wouldn't even know.
And I saw numberous fights and fall outs and screaming kids (that I always had to comfort by cuddling them until they fell asleep crying in my arms)and I just felt so sorry for them.
I saw alot of this growing up and thats what has made me turn against alcohol so much,I have seen it distroy people and even kill some.
Both my parents are alcoholics,my dad had acute liver failure about 11 years ago and was told if he didn't stop altogether,he would have less than six months to live,he hasn't touched a drop since.
My mom is still drinking almost every night.
My oldest sister is an alcoholic who does drink every night and falls asleep on the chair in her sitting room,I sometimes watch her kids cos I don't want them to see their mom in that state,but some times,im afraid im not always able to,or she won't let me.
My brother works,but him and his wife only drink on a saturday night (and some times on Friday),my other sister is the same.
My mom and sister are getting therapy from the same therapist that myself and my dad got help from (we both completed it,she treats people for different things,I got treated for rape and abuse,dad got treated for probably all the shit hes had to put up with over the years)
Im so sick of my life and alcohol.
Last night,my oldest sister and her friend came here to have a drink with my mom and I thought was ok,one or two drinks is fine with me,as long as thats all they have,but they didn't go home until 9.25 this morning and the living room stank of smoke and alcohol,im furious at her and if my dad wasn't down south with my niece then she would not have done this.
Since I moved into this house I swore that this would not happen.
When my parents come here its some times for four days a week and im ok with that,my mom decided to give my niece Jordan some time alone down south with my dad,cos shes feeling down all week about the loss of her dad and loves going to thier house to get away from it all,her mom works so hard all week,she really does.
Last night I just went to bed and left them all to it,I did'nt sleep a wink,they were roaring and laughing,but drunk people just aren't responsive,at least my sister isn't,I think my mom went to bed at 1.30,I held my youngest niece in my arms in my bed until she fell asleep and it was then when I stared thinking about all of this,remembering everything,and I felt so sorry for her kids,I really did.
If I can protect them from Half the shit I saw when I was growing up,that would make me a very happy person.

Wow,anyone would think I was writing a novel here,sorry about that,I just don't wanna hold in my feelings and if I talk to my mom or sister I may commit murder,so im staying away from them all until im calmer.
Im so depressed all day so far and im sorry for saying all this in this post,but if I keep what im feeling to myself then im gonna go mad.
Current Mood: angryangry
buzziecat: Embrace-get rid of downersbuzziecat on March 6th, 2010 04:17 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry, Yvonne. You should not have to tolerate that and neither should your sibling's children - and it is their good fortune that they have you to help them and show them caring and concern.

Must you continue to live together with your mom and sister? Can you find a little flat of your own or perhaps share with someone? Easier for me to write than for you to do and you might actually miss them (when their behavior is not so distressing to you) - but, it's something to think about.

In the meantime, you keep talking with us and don't let these feelings build up inside of you. We are here for you.
*big, big hugs*
Gale with me - Saturday 02/20 Gale with me - Saturday 02/20

And, Furriboots made some lovely icons from these.

Edited at 2010-03-06 04:18 pm (UTC)
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 12:54 am (UTC)
This is my home and they were just visiting,my mom was here anyway and my sister didn't arrive until after 11 pm,I was watching the two girls,one of them was asleep.My mom and da live down south and my sister has her own home with her kids.

I love those pics of Gale,they made me smile,thanks buzzie :)
masterglory on March 6th, 2010 04:26 pm (UTC)
I don't think somebody could think you're writing a novel...this is real life, unfortunately sad real life, and I'm so sorry for you Hun, sigh^^

The fact that both your Mum and sister are alcholic is a real shitty thing, but the problem is that, from what I know, alcholic people don't have to drink neither a drop of booze to get out of the vice. To think that they could drink only one glass or two is frankly speaking, like you want (need)to tease yourself, to believe something that doesn't exist.
Sorry if I seem blunt, but I think seriously that from every house they hang out, the booze shouldn't be in every possible form, wine, beer or whiskey it's the same.

And you are doing your best for them, I see it and I admire you for it, but please don't forget that you're entitled to a full life, after all you're fighting toward your shit past:(, you're not let it ruin your life, they have to do the same.

Sorry for the shitty english, a big huge eneormous hug and a tender kiss...love you, Gloria:)

Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 01:00 am (UTC)
Thanks Gloria,its really good to know I can rely on my friends here,the ones in my life seem to have thier own problems and I know everyone has problems.
And your english is fine :)
7WildWaysUp7wildwaysup on March 6th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)
My Dear Sweet Vonnie,

Please know that you can always talk to me... Us, your Sisters... That's what were here for...

My Parents were also Alcoholics...

So as a fellow co-dependent I do really understand... I just started therapy about six weeks ago, again for the hundredth time...

I'm going to continue this in a private email...

I need to take a break. I just posted another "Stuck In" and I'm exhausted from constant proof-reading, over and over. So go enjoy some porn and I'll email in a little while...

I Love You Baby... Later ~ Kathleen
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 01:03 am (UTC)
Thanks Kathleen hon,I appreciate your kindness :)
I wish you luck with your therapy honey,I hope all goes well and if you need anything,just email or pm me :)
I read your story and thought it was great,just what I needed to escape my crappy life right now,thanks. :):):)
Later honey
(Deleted comment)
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 01:07 am (UTC)
*Hugs you back*
Thanks anyway,a hug is very helpful right now col. :)
aj_socks: starwarsElevatoraj_socks on March 6th, 2010 07:40 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry all that is happening - did happen, still happening... all of it. I hope things get better and never feel bad about writing posts like this. We're all here for ya.

I don't really have any advice for you... Both my parents were very anti-alcohol, anti-smoking, etc. I've actually never had alcohol in the house I live at, with the exception of my stepmom's wine. But I can sympathize so just hang in there. Good luck!
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 01:10 am (UTC)
I used to smoke,but thankfully I quit three years ago.I was never really an alchol drinker and in all my 31 years I was only drunk twice,but still,I hated the the stuff even then so im now anti alcohol and anti smoking myself starting tomorrow,none of the two is getting past the threshold of my home.
Allison Stephensastephens1971 on March 6th, 2010 08:40 pm (UTC)
*sobs and takes you in her arms* I'm here for you! :(
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
Thanks Ally,that means alot :)
Allison Stephensastephens1971 on March 7th, 2010 01:13 am (UTC)
hehe... I was gonna say let Gale/Brian at 'em... if he can't take care of it no one can! ;)
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 01:19 am (UTC)
Isn't that the truth lol :)
shadownyc: B/J 314 shadownyc on March 6th, 2010 08:53 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this! Your family should respect your wishes when they're with you. ***HUGS***
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 01:13 am (UTC)
Thanks Carolyn,and they should but they don't,but I am not a saint either so I guess none of us are in the right,but im the one who seems to bare the brunt of it and im sick of it. :(
brainofjb on March 6th, 2010 09:50 pm (UTC)
*hugs you tight*
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 01:13 am (UTC)
*Hugs you back*
Thanks honey :)
a_life_defianta_life_defiant on March 7th, 2010 12:19 am (UTC)
Don't be sorry Vonnie. This is an important matter and should be talked about. *hugs you tight* This is a tough situation of perhaps history repeating itself. I hope you are able to talk to them when you've settled a bit; help them see exactly what they are doing to themselves and the family. Your nieces are lucky to have you to look out for them.

I do hope they will see the truth of the matter, but if not, do realize that sometimes one person can't fix anything.

p.s. you are entitled to write whatever you want on your page && if someone give you shit about it, then tell them to come see me. I'll get that shit sorted so fast heads will spin.

*another big hug*

Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 01:18 am (UTC)
I spoke to my mom who said she was sorry for her part last night but im holding my sister fully responsable for coming to my house in the state she did and leaving it in a such am,mess.
I haven't spoke to her yet,but she will hear me when theres no kids present. :)

*I'll get that shit sorted so fast heads will spin.*

I don't think I want to get on the wrong side of you honey.lol
Thanks for you kindness and I loved reading your new story today.
Later ~ Vonnie
a_life_defianta_life_defiant on March 7th, 2010 10:00 am (UTC)
So glad to hear you spoke w/your mom. And good luck talking to your sis. *hugs*

LOL didn't mean that last bit to seem scary, I just can't stand people being told what to write/feel/think etc.

Happy that you enjoyed the story :D

Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
It was great honey:)

Talking to my sister is not gonna be a problem,I just hope I get everything that im feeling out before she walks away. :)
Thanks honey
bkmabkma on March 7th, 2010 05:11 am (UTC)
I agree with alot of things thats been said!
Do not apologise for simply expressing your anger and sorrows we all have different ways of expressing it and if writing to us helps you then so be it write as much as you want my friend! It is easier to tell people you do not know personally then someone your so close to.
And it is a wise decision you made by writing instead of facing your family while your very angry because I know when one is angry we tend to stay stuff we might regret later on.
But from what your wrote I must admire your courage and strength and the love you have for your family regardless how mad they make you. The fact that your affected shows you love them so much that you would do anything to help them. Especially trying to get your siblings kids away from that.. Im very proud of you!

We are all here for you :)
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 02:43 pm (UTC)
You guys have been really great with this,thanks for your support honey
snowmoresnowmore on March 7th, 2010 11:01 pm (UTC)
You are doing your amazing best to rise above this, Yvonne. There's no wonder you feel depressed about what goes on around, but keep reminding yourself you overcame a lot that has happened to you and around you and you need to celebrate that.

Your nieces are lucky to have!!!

It's hard to see the ones we love drink to excess. Keep your head high and do what you do best - love and protect those who need it.

And bless your Dad for giving the booze up in order to survive!

Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 7th, 2010 11:16 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey,and my dad is very brave,hes the thread that keeps us all together I think :)
Lynspike7451 on March 8th, 2010 11:57 am (UTC)
Sorry I'm late commenting, not been online much the last few days so am behind. How awful you have to deal with this. *hugs* you.
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on March 8th, 2010 02:58 pm (UTC)
Yea,it wasn't easy but im strong and after a while and with alot of getting things of my chest,I can cope with things thankfully.