Yvonne Reid (yvonnereid) wrote,
Yvonne Reid
yvonnereid

I hate my life right now

While I don't say no to a glass or two of Baily'ys at christmas,im not an alcohol drinker at all.
When I was a teenager I used to babysit for people who would be so drunk when they got home that they could be being robbed by strangers and they wouldn't even know.
And I saw numberous fights and fall outs and screaming kids (that I always had to comfort by cuddling them until they fell asleep crying in my arms)and I just felt so sorry for them.
I saw alot of this growing up and thats what has made me turn against alcohol so much,I have seen it distroy people and even kill some.
Both my parents are alcoholics,my dad had acute liver failure about 11 years ago and was told if he didn't stop altogether,he would have less than six months to live,he hasn't touched a drop since.
My mom is still drinking almost every night.
My oldest sister is an alcoholic who does drink every night and falls asleep on the chair in her sitting room,I sometimes watch her kids cos I don't want them to see their mom in that state,but some times,im afraid im not always able to,or she won't let me.
My brother works,but him and his wife only drink on a saturday night (and some times on Friday),my other sister is the same.
My mom and sister are getting therapy from the same therapist that myself and my dad got help from (we both completed it,she treats people for different things,I got treated for rape and abuse,dad got treated for probably all the shit hes had to put up with over the years)
Im so sick of my life and alcohol.
Last night,my oldest sister and her friend came here to have a drink with my mom and I thought was ok,one or two drinks is fine with me,as long as thats all they have,but they didn't go home until 9.25 this morning and the living room stank of smoke and alcohol,im furious at her and if my dad wasn't down south with my niece then she would not have done this.
Since I moved into this house I swore that this would not happen.
When my parents come here its some times for four days a week and im ok with that,my mom decided to give my niece Jordan some time alone down south with my dad,cos shes feeling down all week about the loss of her dad and loves going to thier house to get away from it all,her mom works so hard all week,she really does.
Last night I just went to bed and left them all to it,I did'nt sleep a wink,they were roaring and laughing,but drunk people just aren't responsive,at least my sister isn't,I think my mom went to bed at 1.30,I held my youngest niece in my arms in my bed until she fell asleep and it was then when I stared thinking about all of this,remembering everything,and I felt so sorry for her kids,I really did.
If I can protect them from Half the shit I saw when I was growing up,that would make me a very happy person.

Wow,anyone would think I was writing a novel here,sorry about that,I just don't wanna hold in my feelings and if I talk to my mom or sister I may commit murder,so im staying away from them all until im calmer.
Im so depressed all day so far and im sorry for saying all this in this post,but if I keep what im feeling to myself then im gonna go mad.
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